Have you ever been so drunk that you need a wall to hold you up and a think a door is an actual doorway?... Well, this chick was just that drunk and she will definitely be feeling that in the morning...
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I love Weird Al Yankovic, he has been making parodies FOREVER! I think the first time I heard one of his parodies was way back in 1992, Smells like Nirvana, ripping off Smells like teen spirit of course. Ever since then I have loved how he has managed to make a brilliant parody out of any song and a music video that has the same basis of the actual song but obviously done up to his lyrics. For those of you that have been living under a rock for the past 27 years, and have no idea who Weird Al is, here is the link to his youtube channel, so you can see what you've been missing. He has released a new album this week called Mandatory Fun and it's already getting LOADS of attention. This video below has over 4 million views already, and it's only been up for two days. It's called Word Crimes, the parody of Blurred Lines. It relates to my poor writing, grammar and spelling most of the time. Check it out... Everyone that knows me, knows that I hate car guards. I do anything in my power to avoid them. I'm the kinda guy who will deliberately park in some side street no where near the venue just to avoid having to deal with a car guard. The long walk feels better to me than having to pay for a parking that is FREE! I will admit, sometimes when they help me find a parking bay and they're actually there when I get back to my car, I will give them some cash. I have had my fair share of arguments with car guards, I don't understand why placing a bib over your shoulders automatically means that you get to claim the parking in that street for the night, like some sort of mafia boss. The parking is free! Technically it belongs to us, because we pay our taxes. Yes, I understand it's a "job" or something for them to do for money, but sometimes the arrogance of these car guards gets a bit much. Especially with these three types:
The mute: This is the car guard that says absolutely nothing to you. He nods, looks around suspiciously and was probably only walking past when he saw you getting into your car so he decided to try his luck. The only communication you will get out of this guy will be a knock on your window as you're trying to get out of the parking bay, sticking out his hand expecting you to give him something. The runner: This is the guy who comes running from 400m away with his one hand held high, whistling or screaming "Hello! Hello! Hello!" and claims "I was watching your car". He bolts from one car to another at record pace, basically claiming the whole street is his. Next time you get to your car and see this guy running towards you, time him... He will definitely give Usain Bolt a run for his money. Literally. The toll gate: This is the car guard that knows there is something big happening that day, like a rugby match or some festival. He will claim a piece of land and charge you between R10 - R30 to park there. You always have to pay up front and they are never there when you get back. These are the most aggressive car guards. Not one fuck is given when they are claiming their land that day. They know that people are going to park there, so they can afford to chase you away if you don't want to pay up front. I have seen these guys fight with the owners of the properties and ending it by negotiating half of their daily takings with them. It's day 15 and look at that thing... Amazing! It's at that point where I need to keep a pocket mirror with me incase I need to go into meetings and there might be some food stuck in my beard.
People who used to call me by my name have started calling me "sir" and the other day while I was at the shop, this little boy was running up and down the aisles and the manager of the store came to me while I was looking at grooming products (funny enough) and asked me to please keep my child under control. So I take it I am starting to look very 'fatherly' at the moment. Not the ideal look I was going for, but I will take it. I have also noticed a decline in friendliness from people like waitresses, cashiers and the ladies who work at the gym. I think they find my beard very intimidating. I have also started noticing this sudden urge to ride a motorbike and to get a bear as a pet, like a fat grizzly bear, they seem so adorable, at 8ft tall and all. The other night, when it was a full moon, my girlfriend walked into the lounge to find me howling out the window and when she tried to stop me, I grunted and then proceeded to scratch behind my ear with my foot. She snuck in a quick pic and the flash brought me back to my senses. One week left of this madness... Growing a beard isn't for the faint hearted. So here is the actual video of Vitaly about to and doing his streak across the field... Enjoy I bet you have never seen a cat hiccup and fart at the same time before... Well, here you go. |